Everyday this guy gets on my bus. He is an older worker man with a carpenters tool belt. He seems friendly enough, I really didn’t pay him much mind, until today. Today he was sitting up front, close enough for me to hear his conversation. He was explaining his job to two other people. ” Car? No I don’t have a car. I don’t have a license, can’t get one.” He goes on to tell them he also hasn’t gotten a paycheck since 1988. 1988? What the F I think to myself. As I focused my hearing on his conversation I listen to him explain. He is in the rears for over $95,000 dollars in child support to his daughters mother. He lost a court battle in 1988 and went home and quit his job. Since that time he has always worked under the table for cash, and most his employers are OK with that.
My heart sunk. There is, in my mind, no worse scumbag than a parent who would abandoned their responsibilities to their kids. I can understand lovers breaking up, shit happens, but kids? How low a douche bag can you be to leave your kids to fend for themselves without any moral or financial support from you? You would have to kill me, to keep me from my kids.. and as far as providing I would go without from now till kingdom come to make sure they have what they need. That’s the deal… that’s what parents do. I’ve said it before on this blog.. the most important word of a father is sacrifice. What selfish, immature, dick… would spite his kids?
The word mothering refers to nurturing. But when we hear the word fathering we associate it with fucking. That’s a tragic disparity between the sexes, and I think it’s ingrained from an early age. How often do we see little girls in play assume the role of mother? They care, feed, and nurture their dolls. Little boys do not play the role of GI Joe’s dad… when they play with dolls they envision themselves as the doll. We teach boys from an early age to buy into this mythical construction of “man” and that construct includes sexual conquest.. little boys spend zero time envision themselves as a father…. but when the hormones kick from say 13-75 we are consumed with having sex, fathering. Tragically we as a society place greater emphasis on the act of gratification than the role of a father. It also leads to this disconnect between father and sons. because the role, duties, and responsibilities of a father are alien to young boys.
I first pondered this question in grad school. When my wife became pregnant and we found out we were having twins, I was ecstatic. When we went to the fateful ultra sound that showed us two peni I was scared. One thought came to my mind; what would I teach these boys about being men. From that point on I’ve been consumed by notion that it’s my most important job to be a role model of what a man is to my sons. Be a person of conviction, of intellect, of compassion and to do so with strength… It seems an impossible task as my enemy is every crappy new song, movie and TV show that feeds us another line of BS about masculinity. Sadly , I’m aware I’m in mortal combat with Jersey Shore for the soul of my sons. getting back to the douche bag on my bus… the worst part of all is the ending. He tells his buddies.. ” Hell I can’t pay her the money, what would the mothers of my other 9 kids think?” I wanted to cut his balls off with a dull knife… Thus ending his major problem. Because the only thing that makes him remotely a man is that sorry excuse for his manhood between his legs…